Interview with Angel City’s Rubber Duck #7
Of the seven rubber ducks cast in the indie feature film, Angel City, only SIX made it to the big screen. What follows is the tale of Rubber Duck #7 - the ONE lone rubber duck whose acting efforts not only landed on the cutting room floor, but also lend new meaning to the expression
SH: Addressing you as ‘Rubber Duck #7’ seems so impersonal. Do you go by any other names?
Rubber Duck #7: Yes, Randall … Madonna Brangelina Vaughniston Spears Clooney. (off her look) I Google better that way.
SH: So, okay Randall -
Rubber Duck #7: - No, it’s Randall … Madonna Brangelina Vaughniston Spears Clooney.
SH: It’s either Randall or Rubber Duck #7.
Rubber Duck #7: Call me Randall, darlin’.
SH: Okay, Randall darlin’ … So moving right along … What drew you to your role in the independent feature, Angel City?
Rubber Duck #7: The money!! (he busts out laughing so hard he has tears streaming down his rubber cheeks - then looks at SH with great sincerity). Actually, I was drawn to the countless similarities between my part and that of the eternally tragic, albeit universally popular Hamlet. (SH busts out laughing so hard she has tears streaming down her non-rubber cheeks – much to the chagrin of Rubber Duck #7). WHAT? …. Hey, look darlin’, if ya ain’t gonna take this interview seriously, then just have your people call my people - ‘cause I’m outta here –
SH: (instantly regaining composure) I’m sorry, Randall. Of course, I take this seriously. Please continue …
Rubber Duck #7: … At the time, Hamlet - and ONLY Hamlet – seemed as tragic a figure as my Angel City character, the innocent rubber duck who gets burned. And since landing a role as Hamlet is even tougher than surfing the kazillion scalding bubbles in a hot tub - which reminds me: People with hot tubs should NOT be allowed to buy rubber ducks under ANY circumstances!!! – Anyhow, I jumped on the part.
SH: So aside from being repeatedly ignited during the shoot, what challenges did you face as an actor?
Rubber Duck #7: Like THAT wasn’t enough? Look at ME! I not only smell like burnt rubber, I AM burnt rubber!!
SH: I actually thought that was just a nice deep dark tan –
Rubber Duck #7: - TAN? First, you mock my Hamlet fantasy and now you call my 3rd degree burns a TAN?! Does a ‘nice deep dark tan’ make you smell like squealing Firestone whitewalls as they peel outta the annual Duck L’orange feast at the Cannes Film Festival? … This is a 100% REAL BURNT RUBBER, baby!
SH: (sniffing him – suddenly horrified by the truth of his aroma) Wow, you ain’t kidding. (off his scowl) Well, thankfully, (and to quote Angel City’s director, Niels Cederfeld), at least you did this ‘for the sake of higher art’ –
Rubber Duck #7: - Oh sure … having my greatest work COMPLETELY cut outta ole Cederfeld’s film just makes all the recon-duck-tive, I mean reconstructive surgeries SO worthwhile. Do you realize I’m the ONLY rubber duck who didn’t have a stunt double?
Rubber Duck #7: Yea, Rubber Ducks #1-6, who I collectively call ‘the ones who are actually IN the movie,’ didn’t do any of their own stunts. And it took ALL SIX of them to complete that one scene where Duckie hands Angel a rubber duck … I mean, c’mon already! I couldda done that that little ‘oh, this is for you, Angel’ hand-off scene in my sleep. There was zero risk.
SH: But what if Duckie or Angel dropped one?
Rubber Duck #7: Unless it was into a pot of boiling water (or a HOT TUB!), they’d bounce back! (which reminds me, did I mention that people with hot tubs should NOT be allowed to buy rubber ducks under ANY circumstances?!).
SH: Yes, you did.
Rubber Duck #7: Trust me, those six rubber ducks were a bunch of whining sissies who, from day one, complained about everything from the craft services to the trailer.
SH: The movie trailer?
Rubber Duck #7: No, THEIR trailer.
SH: But I thought this was a bare bones guerilla film production with a skeleton crew?
Rubber Duck #7: TRUST me, they had their own trailer.
SH: But –
Rubber Duck #7: - And THIS extravagance along with their other incessant and lavish demands (such as those hourly Evian baths) is precisely WHY we had to shoot it with such a low budget.
SH: Wow, who knew?
Rubber Duck #7: The truth always surfaces to the top just like a rubber duck always surfaces in a bathtub, darlin’ (which reminds me, did I mention that people with hot tubs should NOT be allowed to buy rubber ducks under ANY circumstances?!).
SH: Yes, you did. SEVERAL times, in fact.
Rubber Duck #7: And while I’m not one to hold grudges, I must add that as I sit here a disfigured shell of a once glorious rubber duck who’s big screen debut shall remain eternally UNSEEN on ole Cederfeld’s cutting room floor, ‘the ones who are actually IN the movie’ are very likely canoodling with Playmates in yet another Evian bath at Sky Bar.
SH: (sobbing) That is just so tragic, Randall.
Rubber Duck #7: Call me Hamlet, darlin’. Say, what’s a nice gal like you doing in a tough town like Hollywood, anyhow?
SH: I’m a screenwriter.
Rubber Duck #7: Now THAT’S what I call tragic.
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